Wiretapping My Womb? Is That Next?

You'd think the president would be too busy screwing up two wars and de-regulating the economy into the toilet to worry about your sex life. But, no. If there are two things we've learned about the Bush administration, it's this: it likes to screw things and it likes to watch.

Now, it wants to do both to American women.

According to the brain trust at 1600 Penn, the birth control pill causes abortions. So do those ungodly (and popular) IUDs. Yup, relying on "Stedman's Medical Dictionary" (does Oprah know about this?) and "Dorland's Medical Dictionary" - instead of that oh-so-unreliable sources such as the American Medical Association, the British Medical Association, and the Medical College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, Health and Human Services has decided that pregnancy begins at conception not at implantation. Recipients of federal grants are free to use the new definition to deny birth control to poor women.

A quick lesson, for those of you who were hungover in high school biology, on how to create a baby:

1. 
   Boy and girl meet in a college Russian class.
2. Boy and girl may or may not have gotten drunk. (Note: this step is not necessary, just common practice.)
3. Boy and girl do the nasty.
4. Boy's sperm (what? he lied about the condom? a$$hole!) and girl's egg meet in a Russian class somewhere in Fallopian College.
5. Sperm and egg merge to become The One with the universe.
6. Ta-da! According to the Bushies, Boy and Girl have just created themselves a candidate!
7. Or not. According to the established medical authorities, the commies at the AMA and the ACOG, the egg-sperm melange (zygote, for those keeping score), has to implant into Girl's womb for her to actually be considered pregnant. This is a tricky thing and many zygotes have a different agenda. They get flushed, kinda like the DNC did to the Clinton supporters.
8. If the zygote implants, then begins the long process of lurching to the right and sucking donors dry, I mean growing an embryo-turned fetus-turned-baby. And, only after implantation will Ben and Allison see the dreaded blue line of death. (Kidding. I love zygotes. I just don't want any more.)

So, HHS/Bush 43 is screwing poor women with their new standard. Now, wackos with their fingers on the prescription button can deny women The Pill, the birth control patch, or IUDs. The latter actually does work by preventing implantation but hormonal birth control prevents pregnancy by preventing ovulation (no egg).

Just for grins, let's look at the benefits of The Pill, other than the obvious:

1. reduced blood flow means reduced chance of anemia
2. possible protection against ectopic/tubal pregnancies (that have to end, either in surgery, miscarriage, or the tube bursting killing the embryo and possibly the mother, too)
3. less chance of fibroids
4. regular cycles and possibly reduced menstrual pain
5. possible protection against ovarian and uterine cancer

While I appreciate Senators Clinton's and Murray's and Speaker Pelosi's vocal criticism of this policy, I wonder something. Where are the male critics? Doesn't birth control affect them, too? (Answer, YES.)

And, where is Senator Obama's voice?