Why PUMAs Won't Vote for O - The Ex-Boyfriend Factor

Max - 99, doesn't that Kaos agent look like your ex-boyfriend from college?

99 - Max! You've done it! You've figured out why we can't vote for Obama! He reminds us of an ex-boyfriend. (shudders)

Max - Obama works for Kaos?

99 - No, Max, he is Kaos.

It struck me last night like I was Shemp and Reality was Larry. Why won't women and gay men vote for Obama? He's attractive, tall, sophisticated, smart, and he's got that Hollywood smile the cameras love. So, why do women want to throw the remote at the TV and why are gay men furiously blogging about the End of The World?

Obama reminds us of THAT ex-boyfriend. Yeah, you know the one, good-looking, charming, eerie Cruise-like grin. The one that fooled around with your best friend or bought a Rolex on your credit card or called you on New Year's Eve around 8PM saying he had an obscure virus called Gotabetterofferitis.

I was reading this scary little gem by The Body Language Lady about the nexus of narcissism, Obama, and body language. And, then, it hit me. He's the ex-boyfriend your best friends warned you about, the one you ended up leaving back at the caucus without a ride home.

I don't doubt Obama is a narcissist. Sure, most politicians have a healthy ego. In order to believe that YOU are the ONE PERSON in the country who can be the best president, you have to be pretty full of yourself. But, I believe Obama takes things a step further. And, so do the posters on BLL's site, including a psychologist.

It gets creepier. 75% of narcissists are men. 75%! Get it? That's why women and gay men are more likely to see through Obama. We've dated one! But, what about lesbians? What about them? As women, they've watched at least one close friend date Mr. Perfect and then helped pick up the pieces - used condoms, red thongs, scraps of paper with phone numbers, that Rolex receipt.

You can call me crazy. Many people do. But this isn't why. Obama creeps people out in a way I've never seen another candidate do. It's a visceral reaction. I can't see that smarmy smile pop up without cringing and I never even dated a narcissist. (I've known enough to see the signs. Got this one covered, thanks.) This sickly feeling knows no race, creed, or political party. That right-wing blogger was trying to be funny but still hit the target.

(shudder)

(double shudder)

But, what about people who don't feel this way? After all, 40+% of the country hasn't figured him out and those pictures from his trip were really pretty. Well, first of all, narcissists are rare, estimated to be between 1 and 2% of the population, according to the extensive research I did on The Google. And, you really have to have experienced NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) up close and personal to want to vomit when you catch a glimpse of The Eared One. Otherwise, you may be creeped out but you probably won't have an unnatural urge to grab your car keys and hit the gas. In fact, many people unfamiliar with NPD's path of destruction will look at the hollow eyes and believe they are magnetic rather than cold and devoid of empathy.

Narcissists can be very charismatic but only over the short-term. Right now, many Americans are still caught up in the honeymoon period. (Those of us who've been married a while can tell you all about what happens when the HP comes to a crashing halt, right around the time you discover your spouse feels ratty underwear is appropriate for answering the door.)

So, what next? Well, I'm a PUMA. I keep holding out hope that Dean, Pelosi, and Reid will come down with serious cases of Blackberry Thumb, be too bedridden to oversee the grand anointment, and, in their absences, the spell will be broken, the supers will wise up and kiss the princess, who will then rightly ascend to her place as Democratic Nominee, and peace will be restored to DemLand.

Hey, if a nobody with criminal connections, membership in a racist church, and a resume as short as Mini-Me can rise from the ashes of an exclusive prep school/Columbia/Harvard Law to flit around Europe like the late, great Suzanne Pleshette in If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium, then ANYTHING can happen.

But PUMAs voting for Obama - that won't. (shudder, shudder, shuuuddddeeerrrr)