The Genie is Out of the Bottle and Out of Wishes

Lo! In the twentieth year after the world was supposed to end, according to the Prophet Orwell, a Star rose over the oldest lands of the New World. And, the New Orwellians rejoiced for, surely, their two-term lefty savior had arrived to become king.

Hence, as the Star sparkled in the prime time sky, did a wondrous event occur. Reverend Dean and Kerry, the king-in-waiting, did kiss the ring of Prince Kennedy and rub the feet of Daley, Overlord of Darkness. And, yea verily, on the vast temple before the assembled New Orwellians, the spell was broken. From the very toenails of the Overlord did rise a tall and handsome genie with a radiant smile and photogenic cheekbones.

And, the genie did gently circle his manicured hands and did speak to the New Orwellians. "People of the New World Order," said the genie. "We are not Earthlings or Starlight, Orwellians or Rovians. Nay, we are all Obamacons. And, yea verily, we will unite this planet in Boston and Seattle, in the City of Angels and the City of Wind, in Berlin and Paris, and in Ames and in Washington! Yes, we can! We will work together. You must wish it so. You must have hope!"

Yea, and the crowd roared its approval for it comprised the Creative Class and they were averse to work but they could dream and wish and hope.

But, the genie needed sustenance so he retreated to a dark doorway to smoke, leaving the New Orwellians to ponder his wisdom.

"My lord, how can thou unite the planet?" asked the Reverend Dean, verily enjoying the burning incense from the land of Marlboro.

"Ah, but I cannot," replied the genie.

"What?" screamed the Reverend. For he was known far and wide for his screams.

"But, you told the New Orwellians ..."

"My good reverend," said the genie, "I am a genie. I grant wishes. I do not work."

"Wishes?"

The genie did verily wave his elegant hands. "I am The One and I am here to grant three wishes to the man who broke the spell."

And, the Reverend Dean did let out his scream and jump up and down and pump his fists in the air. "He's not here. But, I know what he wants. I'll do it for him. I wish for John Kerry to win the election!"

"Well, uh, see, Reverend, we could get into the specificity of the paranormal vs. the audacious, and we could talk about this all day, about the ramifications, of, uh, wishes and their consequences," said the genie and Dean was verily entranced by the beauteous words and the dazzling smile and the wafting incense from the land of Marlboro. "But, see, when we get down to the, to the, look, I can only grant three wishes a year and between my wife and, anyway, no can do until 2005."

So, the Rovian King Dubya was not deposed and the New Orwellians would have to wait another four years for the calendar to turn, as was the custom in the New World.

But, lo, in that instant, a partnership was birthed. And, the genie's fame grew far and wide to Sin City and the New Sodom and promises were made and deals were hatched so that four years later the genie might become king-in-waiting. Soon, it became known among the New Orwellians that the genie would rule over them in 2008. For, it was inscribed in the NYT and WaPo, on dKos and Huff&Puff.

Hence, the 24th year after the Prophet Orwell had forecast the end of the world, the New Orwellians cheered as the genie became their king-in-waiting. But, the Rovians were not so taken with the genie and they bore false witness against him and circulated true stories about his lack of experience as a real king. And, the residents of the New World were curious.

Now, the genie had been forced to use all of his three wishes warding off Empress Hillary of Clintonia, sworn enemy of the Reverend Dean, Prince Kennedy and then former king-in-waiting Kerry. The Empress was the champion of the People of the Working Class and she beat the genie, only to be cast aside at the end by his last wish. But, lo, the genie was out of wishes and could not make himself king.

So, the New Orwellians faced life for four years under Lt. McCain, a Rovian that many liked more than the genie. And, the genie's fortunes looked dim. Lo, their last chance came upon them, a final pitched battle between the Empress and the genie. If the Empress won, she would click her red shoes, vanquish Lt. McCain, and return peace and prosperity to the New World.

But, alas, the Clintonistas, after a valiant fight, were unable to put the genie back in the bottle until the dark of winter descended on the lands and Lt. McCain had assumed the throne. The New Orwellians were split between the Rovians and the Clintonistas, and the rest were driven into exile to the very edges of the New World, the Blue Coasts.

Lo, it came to pass, in the 28th year after the Prophet Orwell had scheduled the end of the world, that Empress Hillary smote King McCain and became the rightful ruler of the New World, bringing peace, prosperity, and gender equality to all. It is whispered in these parts and others far and wide that the Empress Hillary kept on her desk a box from the land of Marlboro sealed tightly in a glass case and that on starry nights, a beauteous voice would bespeak the words "audacity" and "bitch".