Sunday, September 21, 2008
If You Can't Beat 'em, Bully 'em
-- Barack Obama, Elko, NV, September 16, 2008
Alrighty, then. (Note: I've not linked to the points below because there are copious reports that support them that have been clicked on to death.)
First, the DNC tried to bully Hillary Rodham Clinton out of the primary.
Then, the MSM, mesmerized by The One, tried to bully primary voters into snubbing HRC by accusing ordinary citizens of racism.
Next, the DNC Rules Committee strong-armed the Democratic electorate in Florida and Michigan to give The Big O delegates conjured from thin air.
Then, the Unholy Trinity of Pelosi, Dean, and Reid conspired to buy superdelegate support by pouring cash into campaign coffers, causing a stampede of shameless political hacks to The One and finally shoving the people's choice out of the primary.
Next, the DNC and The One, he of the hopey/changey/post-partisan/post-racial/new politics kumbaya campaign, harangued national delegates into abandoning their states' voters to support the worst sham election since Syria's.
But, it hasn't worked. The McCain-Palin ticket is tied with The Eared and Plugged Ones. M-P is ahead in key battle grounds, like Florida, and competitive in Michigan. (Go figure. Those Dems didn't like all the maneuvering at their expense.)
So, the Unholy Trinity and the Chicago Cabal are panicked. The country just doesn't seem to like this guy and no amount of shilling from SNL and Bill Maher seems to help. What's a dirty Daley machine pol to do? Bully the electorate.
For all I know, the American people can be humbled and despirited enough to grudgingly vote for the Ear-Plugs ticket. Who knows? Stranger things have happened. (See Bush 2000 and Bush 2004.) But, color me skeptical, if I'm allowed to be without that being misconstrued as a racial taunt.
Here's what I see as the DNC/Ear-Plugs strategy.
1. Inspire its minions to harass their friends, neighbors and coworkers.
2. Call the American people racists by making bogus claims about The One's inherent electability were he not (b)-(l)-(a)-(c)-(k). I said, were he not BLACK. BLACK! Can't you people see there's a BLACK man running for president? There was a poll telling you what a racist sack of pig excrement you are! (lipstick optional)
3. Threaten us with THE CHRISTIANS.
4. Scare us that the old man may not make it to January, leaving us with - a sitting governor!
5. Scream about leaving the economy to A CHRISTIAN and and an old guy who can't even send an e-mail (because the Viet Cong broke his arms in multiple places but he can't tell you that because that's "playing the POW card").
So much for the politics of hope and change. Let's examine these tactics.
1. - Great way to get fired/dumped/shunned/disinvited to your mother-in-law's annual New Year's bunko blowout. Seriously, The One did this in the primaries and a quarter of HRC's voters are so mad they're either voting for the other guy or undecided. In fact, Ear-Plugs is so not worried about HRC's supporters that it's formed an outreach group (read gang) called "Hillary Sent Me." Good plan. Not. (I love you, Hill, but I don't worship you. Thanks but no thanks.)
2. - Great way to get Americans to lie to pollsters because they're afraid of looking bad. Not a great way to get votes. I expect most M-P voters to harden out of disgust and most independents will feel slighted. Americans like to feel good about themselves, not scolded for feelings few have.
3. - Most Americans are Christians who live in small towns and like their guns. See 2. Since Palin is drawing huge crowds, my guess is this isn't working.
4. - Way to insult 50% of the population! So, a female governor with the highest approval rating of any current sitting governor is a worse option than a freshman senator who's spent his ENTIRE tenure in the senate running for president. (And, he's being propped up by the star-struck Unholy Trinity and their Horse Faces of the Apocalypse, Kerry, Kennedy, and Clyburn.)
5. - And, Senators, your economic plan would be ... Yeah, that's why a prominent Democratic strategist urged you to come up with one plan, one, just one, because voters can't name any.
Well, as the old saying goes, if you can't beat 'em, bully the shit out of 'em. At least, that seems to be the Chicago version. Luckily, The One isn't in Chicago anymore. If Governor Palin clicks her heels just right, he'll be back there soon enough.
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Genie is Out of the Bottle and Out of Wishes
Hence, as the Star sparkled in the prime time sky, did a wondrous event occur. Reverend Dean and Kerry, the king-in-waiting, did kiss the ring of Prince Kennedy and rub the feet of Daley, Overlord of Darkness. And, yea verily, on the vast temple before the assembled New Orwellians, the spell was broken. From the very toenails of the Overlord did rise a tall and handsome genie with a radiant smile and photogenic cheekbones.
And, the genie did gently circle his manicured hands and did speak to the New Orwellians. "People of the New World Order," said the genie. "We are not Earthlings or Starlight, Orwellians or Rovians. Nay, we are all Obamacons. And, yea verily, we will unite this planet in Boston and Seattle, in the City of Angels and the City of Wind, in Berlin and Paris, and in Ames and in Washington! Yes, we can! We will work together. You must wish it so. You must have hope!"
Yea, and the crowd roared its approval for it comprised the Creative Class and they were averse to work but they could dream and wish and hope.
But, the genie needed sustenance so he retreated to a dark doorway to smoke, leaving the New Orwellians to ponder his wisdom.
"My lord, how can thou unite the planet?" asked the Reverend Dean, verily enjoying the burning incense from the land of Marlboro.
"Ah, but I cannot," replied the genie.
"What?" screamed the Reverend. For he was known far and wide for his screams.
"But, you told the New Orwellians ..."
"My good reverend," said the genie, "I am a genie. I grant wishes. I do not work."
"Wishes?"
The genie did verily wave his elegant hands. "I am The One and I am here to grant three wishes to the man who broke the spell."
And, the Reverend Dean did let out his scream and jump up and down and pump his fists in the air. "He's not here. But, I know what he wants. I'll do it for him. I wish for John Kerry to win the election!"
"Well, uh, see, Reverend, we could get into the specificity of the paranormal vs. the audacious, and we could talk about this all day, about the ramifications, of, uh, wishes and their consequences," said the genie and Dean was verily entranced by the beauteous words and the dazzling smile and the wafting incense from the land of Marlboro. "But, see, when we get down to the, to the, look, I can only grant three wishes a year and between my wife and, anyway, no can do until 2005."
So, the Rovian King Dubya was not deposed and the New Orwellians would have to wait another four years for the calendar to turn, as was the custom in the New World.
But, lo, in that instant, a partnership was birthed. And, the genie's fame grew far and wide to Sin City and the New Sodom and promises were made and deals were hatched so that four years later the genie might become king-in-waiting. Soon, it became known among the New Orwellians that the genie would rule over them in 2008. For, it was inscribed in the NYT and WaPo, on dKos and Huff&Puff.
Hence, the 24th year after the Prophet Orwell had forecast the end of the world, the New Orwellians cheered as the genie became their king-in-waiting. But, the Rovians were not so taken with the genie and they bore false witness against him and circulated true stories about his lack of experience as a real king. And, the residents of the New World were curious.
Now, the genie had been forced to use all of his three wishes warding off Empress Hillary of Clintonia, sworn enemy of the Reverend Dean, Prince Kennedy and then former king-in-waiting Kerry. The Empress was the champion of the People of the Working Class and she beat the genie, only to be cast aside at the end by his last wish. But, lo, the genie was out of wishes and could not make himself king.
So, the New Orwellians faced life for four years under Lt. McCain, a Rovian that many liked more than the genie. And, the genie's fortunes looked dim. Lo, their last chance came upon them, a final pitched battle between the Empress and the genie. If the Empress won, she would click her red shoes, vanquish Lt. McCain, and return peace and prosperity to the New World.
But, alas, the Clintonistas, after a valiant fight, were unable to put the genie back in the bottle until the dark of winter descended on the lands and Lt. McCain had assumed the throne. The New Orwellians were split between the Rovians and the Clintonistas, and the rest were driven into exile to the very edges of the New World, the Blue Coasts.
Lo, it came to pass, in the 28th year after the Prophet Orwell had scheduled the end of the world, that Empress Hillary smote King McCain and became the rightful ruler of the New World, bringing peace, prosperity, and gender equality to all. It is whispered in these parts and others far and wide that the Empress Hillary kept on her desk a box from the land of Marlboro sealed tightly in a glass case and that on starry nights, a beauteous voice would bespeak the words "audacity" and "bitch".
Monday, July 28, 2008
Why PUMAs Won't Vote for O - The Ex-Boyfriend Factor
99 - Max! You've done it! You've figured out why we can't vote for Obama! He reminds us of an ex-boyfriend. (shudders)
Max - Obama works for Kaos?
99 - No, Max, he is Kaos.
It struck me last night like I was Shemp and Reality was Larry. Why won't women and gay men vote for Obama? He's attractive, tall, sophisticated, smart, and he's got that Hollywood smile the cameras love. So, why do women want to throw the remote at the TV and why are gay men furiously blogging about the End of The World?
Obama reminds us of THAT ex-boyfriend. Yeah, you know the one, good-looking, charming, eerie Cruise-like grin. The one that fooled around with your best friend or bought a Rolex on your credit card or called you on New Year's Eve around 8PM saying he had an obscure virus called Gotabetterofferitis.
I was reading this scary little gem by The Body Language Lady about the nexus of narcissism, Obama, and body language. And, then, it hit me. He's the ex-boyfriend your best friends warned you about, the one you ended up leaving back at the caucus without a ride home.
I don't doubt Obama is a narcissist. Sure, most politicians have a healthy ego. In order to believe that YOU are the ONE PERSON in the country who can be the best president, you have to be pretty full of yourself. But, I believe Obama takes things a step further. And, so do the posters on BLL's site, including a psychologist.
It gets creepier. 75% of narcissists are men. 75%! Get it? That's why women and gay men are more likely to see through Obama. We've dated one! But, what about lesbians? What about them? As women, they've watched at least one close friend date Mr. Perfect and then helped pick up the pieces - used condoms, red thongs, scraps of paper with phone numbers, that Rolex receipt.
You can call me crazy. Many people do. But this isn't why. Obama creeps people out in a way I've never seen another candidate do. It's a visceral reaction. I can't see that smarmy smile pop up without cringing and I never even dated a narcissist. (I've known enough to see the signs. Got this one covered, thanks.) This sickly feeling knows no race, creed, or political party. That right-wing blogger was trying to be funny but still hit the target.
(shudder)
(double shudder)
But, what about people who don't feel this way? After all, 40+% of the country hasn't figured him out and those pictures from his trip were really pretty. Well, first of all, narcissists are rare, estimated to be between 1 and 2% of the population, according to the extensive research I did on The Google. And, you really have to have experienced NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) up close and personal to want to vomit when you catch a glimpse of The Eared One. Otherwise, you may be creeped out but you probably won't have an unnatural urge to grab your car keys and hit the gas. In fact, many people unfamiliar with NPD's path of destruction will look at the hollow eyes and believe they are magnetic rather than cold and devoid of empathy.
Narcissists can be very charismatic but only over the short-term. Right now, many Americans are still caught up in the honeymoon period. (Those of us who've been married a while can tell you all about what happens when the HP comes to a crashing halt, right around the time you discover your spouse feels ratty underwear is appropriate for answering the door.)
So, what next? Well, I'm a PUMA. I keep holding out hope that Dean, Pelosi, and Reid will come down with serious cases of Blackberry Thumb, be too bedridden to oversee the grand anointment, and, in their absences, the spell will be broken, the supers will wise up and kiss the princess, who will then rightly ascend to her place as Democratic Nominee, and peace will be restored to DemLand.
Hey, if a nobody with criminal connections, membership in a racist church, and a resume as short as Mini-Me can rise from the ashes of an exclusive prep school/Columbia/Harvard Law to flit around Europe like the late, great Suzanne Pleshette in If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium, then ANYTHING can happen.
But PUMAs voting for Obama - that won't. (shudder, shudder, shuuuddddeeerrrr)
Monday, July 21, 2008
Obama and the Mirror of Erised
I have another theory. Perhaps, the senator is more like a human Mirror of Erised (my deepest apologies to JK Rowling). In the first Harry Potter novel, Harry discovers a wondrous mirror that reflects one’s heart’s desire. Reflected in the magical looking glass is the You Oprah Dreamed You’d Be.
Howard Dean might have envisioned his 50 State Strategy.
Nancy Pelosi could have seen her Northern California liberal policies.
Harry Reid might have glimpsed a political leader.
Could it be that this election hasn’t been about “the change we’ve been waiting for” but the petty ambitions of a few self-centered leaders? Is it possible that Democratic officials didn’t just project their values onto their rising star, but their dearest dreams?
It gets worse. Now, Obama is playing his shtick on desperate Afghans. According to John Nichols at The Nation, Obama has been meeting with tribal lords and promising them roses and sunshine:
Unfortunately, Obama is busy making promises.
After meeting with the Democratic presidential candidate inside the US base in Jalalabad, Afghan warlord turned provincial governor Gul Agha Sherzai told reporters, "Obama promised us that if he becomes a president in the future, he will support and help Afghanistan not only in its security sector but also in
reconstruction, development and economic sector."Translation: Obama is not listening. He is making commitments.
Specific commitments.
Despite the fact that there are more foreign troops in Afghanistan today than at any time since the 2001 invasion -- roughly 60,000 total, including 36,000 Americans – Obama is proposing to dispatch two more US combat divisions (comprising more than 7,000 soldiers) to Afghanistan. That will give the United States even greater responsibility for a technically NATO-led occupation.
Apparently, The One is running around countries harboring suicidal terrorists and telling them he'll give them anything they want. IS HE OUT OF HIS MIND? There are consequences if his alleged promises never come to fruition - PEOPLE WILL DIE.
Afghanistan has been crippled by centuries of war. Its people desperately need necessities like food and running water. It would be honorable and commendable if we could bring that to them. But, Obama is not in a position to do that. Heck, even the real President can't.
Maybe Obama really believes he can do this. He seems to have drunk a lot of Kool-Aid on the trail. Or, maybe he's using these poor people as campaign props and he'll do as much for them as he did for the people in his district (the ones living in the rat-infested, uninsulated, unheated buildings his bud Tony Rezko built on the Illinois taxpayers' dimes).
Here’s what I know. Confidence men succeed by promising their victims what they desire. They’re “blank screens.” They’re Mirrors of Erised. Democratic leaders, influential left-wing commentators, and desperate voters have spent this primary dreaming of their deepest desires. But, inevitably, confidence men have to deliver what they’ve promised – like filibuster a bad FISA bill or take public financing. When they don’t, which they inevitably won’t, the jig is up. At least, it should be.
Unless electing a flip-flopping, pandering pseudo-liberal, wannabe right-wing Evangelical driving a large careening Blunderbuss is their fondest dream, the Superdelegates need a new mirror.